“If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience.”

— George Bernard Shaw

I’ve stared into that abyss, the never ending miserable hole that sucks the soul devoid of elation, which accompanies accomplishment. I’m not new to it and neither are you. But our philosophy to tackle, and rise against that which feeds on this depression is different. Some read, some eat, some meet, some run and some sleep. And a few applaud life for its twists and vagaries in this coaster ride that brings meaning to success and drink in the journey onward. Words to remember when I encounter the cold hand of defeat once again.

A draft originated, a tumultuous decade,
thoughts added piecemeal, the requiem grew,
a seed blossomed anew, surreal,
tides of time trimmed a neutron’s half-life.

When the wicked are confounded,
Doomed to flames of woe unbounded,
Call me, with Thy Saints surrounded.
Low I kneel, with heart submission!
See, like ashes my contrition!
Help me in my last condition!

Long awaited, aspiration to write a book fruitless
and lost ‘midst tasks in a whimsical life.
Yearning for knowledge gathered through experiences,
sensations, beyond words, intangible through language.
Here is a ramble on philosophy and thoughts never told.

Here, in another time, beyond material world,
Wisdom dawns bright and darkness scorched,
Ignorance and pride burnt to ashes.
A new day unfolds, mysteries pondered unsolved,
with knowledge of That inadequate,
my comeuppance delivered, without a warning.

Chance, the dice, a sly player,
brings a child blinding aspiration, introduced;
new meaning, average expectation devoid and existence exciting.
Fate presumed plans, molds a survivor,
a seed, science, a new beginning.
Anew started four years of fond memories thus far.

Innocent and ignorant the first fifteen,
knowledge filled the void but ignorance remained the next five;
here stands a Self, after ten more, on path to realization,
aspiring for ethics to unlearn, knowledge gained alike.

A fleeting feeling, life on the cusp,
evolution forced deliberately to destroy the suit;
unconscious the effort, unknowing the consequence before.
The ironic mind develops on its own, independent,
tackling tasks fathomed impervious, in precision
thoughts dared not touched, imperceptible at first.
The weak succumb to illusion and knowledge the true path.

Another effort to bring back the body from the brink
Marathons lay in front, mind endured.
Pain but the weakness leaving the body.
The blackhole still does not fade, like cancer hurts;
Control is but ignorance personified, now realized.
Conquered the distance, thrice, but the longing thrives.

Mutilation of Self, not the intention from the beginning,
Through obsessions fulfilled with transient pleasure.
The mind survives, desire without attachment.
‘Not the philosophy to sacrifice everything, to attain it all ?
This ecstasy of the obsession in the face of affliction
Has but led this life to new heights and body penalized.

Sleeping, thinking, eating, drinking, cooking, running, coding,
All but one more downfall in temporal realization.
Nevertheless, love for addictions transforms, aspiration
And new friends attained thereby. New bridges crossed hence.

Blessed is he, who has found his work;
Let him ask for no other blessedness.
The last eight years, a nuclear engineer dreamed
Realized and fulfilled, a father’s wish.
Long and hard the path traveled, at times cruel;
With friends for guidance and others inspired.

The final work, my karma,
Carried at the end of this and born with it, next.
If cause and effect did change,
Perspectives, opinions, ambition,
Let this work make the difference,
Between my life, death and beyond.

An undying feeling that money, a social trick
Need not bothered but finds its way, wished not,
forced not, desired not.
Difficult times mixed with pleasant, helped
Family and friends when necessary,
Grateful to Thee, never felt abandoned.

Words untold become words lost. For eons.
That shall be, till life becomes dust.
Belief in human nature, capable of the righteous,
And wretched alike, imagined.

Life filled with ironies, a harmony
Created in embrace, far more sublime than senses offer.
In the end, the Brahman stays eternal,
While ignorant half-knowledge bickers, human ethics.
None the better, a nuclear engineer or a carnal maid,
The self replicated, origin and deliverance from ego.
Seven billion possibilities, the vagaries of the mind
To decipher the chaotic fractal of the infinite dimensional Om.

This life, full, fruitful, past regrets,
Meditating on the now, for He sculpted the past and future.
This chaotic living has been beautiful.
The path treaded eventful, extraordinary,
grateful to the family loved, raised me,
to the friends laughed and moved, this soul.
Inadequate, a droplet in an ocean, these words
in gratitude for life enriched, ways rare.
My expectation, reflections in mirror,
spurred lives that changed mine, along right directions.

Final thoughts, quotes flood. A poem apt before told
by Henry Van Dyke, `the Parable of Immortality`.

I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze
and starts for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength,
and I stand and watch until at last she hangs
like a speck of white cloud
just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says,
“There she goes!”

Gone where?
Gone from my sight . . . that is all.

She is just as large in mast and hull and spar
as she was when she left my side
and just as able to bear her load of living freight
to the place of destination.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment
when someone at my side says,
“There she goes! ”
there are other eyes watching her coming . . .
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout . . .

” Here she comes! “

If we have seen, talked, laughed, drank or loved,
Do not mourn this passing.
Burn away thoughts somber.
Remember me during your best of times, a last request,
For life eternal flows on,
And may the next one be longer,
fulfilling and as memorable as this one…

Since time has turned, and man walked
Necessity drives motive and continually fed,
One thought, oblivious onto infinitum,
Strangely keeps coming around, verbatim.
An appetite unfathomed, only eternal bliss can fill;
All who succumb to demons, shall bring out the divine still.

An audition, brings out character, twisted jest,
Never ceases to startle some, there I said’t.
In sadness we draw strength and defend gay thoughts,
Non intuitive it seems but experience resolves all knots.

Found a very neat video, nice and simple that explains about the basic science of a nuclear power plant, requirements of building one and advantages over traditional energy sources. Definitely recommended for those scared of the neutron and perhaps an eye-opener to the potential for cleaner energy of the future !

How to build a nuclear power plant – video.

“Give thanks for sorrow that teaches you pity; for pain that teaches you courage – and give exceedingly thanks for the mystery which remains a mystery still – the veil that hides you from the infinite, which makes it possible for you to believe in what you cannot see.”

— Robert Nathan

Amadeus

Finished?
Mozart:What?
The vaudeville, what do you think?
Mozart:Yes.
Can I see it?
Mozart:No.
Why not?
Mozart:Because there’s nothing to see.
I asked you if we could start rehearsals next week and you said yes.
Mozart:We can.
So let me see it. Where is it?
Mozart: Here. (Pointing to his head) It’s all right here in my noodle.
The rest is just scribbling. Scribbling and bibbling, bibbling and scribbling.

I say the same when I have a fantastic idea for a paper. Repetitively. It’s so beautiful in the mind, so perfect, un-obscured, and straight-forward, bright as an evening star. But the drudgeries of writing them down, the explanations and the unnecessary words to put it across seems mundane and annoying and hence I keep post-poning… Let someone come up with telepathy already and relieve me of the mundane. Let me just think and resolve while the superficial details unimportant, become unnecessary here forth…

The more I try to kill time, quieter it slips,
outlasts, survives, in the end killing me.
Always in motion, tardy, ephemeral moments
Growing entropy, a chain reaction,
No beginning nor any end.

“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What’s that, a bonus?!?! I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you go live in an old age home. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back, spend your last 9 months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap…

…and then you finish off as an orgasm.”

–George Carlin

That is just insanely funny. A beautiful fantasy we all wish be true. Interesting how often an upside down reality seems equally exciting in its journey…

Vain be ye, fool, ignorant, without questions,
Knowledge be ye, experience, taking first steps without a push,
Anguish be ye, steadfast, avoiding consequences,
Strength be ye, czar, ruling emotions without oscillations,
Woe be ye, ghora, roaming mortal worlds, with sophisticated rules,
Evolution be ye, yogi, free without facades,
Perseverance be ye, incessant, with only one focussed thought,
Serenity be ye, enlightened, tranquil without attachment,
Prayer be ye, shining, soul resplendent with flawless spirit,
Aspiration be ye, zealous, causing effects without actions,
Purity be ye, hemisphere, lifetime of search concluded,
Aghori be ye, kolaveri, adoring all, live or immortal without judgement,
Divine be ye, beloved, fulfilling with thou hallowed touch,
Eternal be ye, infinite, eventual part, the astounding fractal of life.